Most of us have experienced failed relationships, especially when we were still very young and foolish. It sometimes leaves deep psychological wounds that may take many years to heal.
When this happens to us, we feel so uncertain about ourselves. We feel that maybe we don’t deserve to be in a relationship because we don’t know how to make it last. We’re devastated when we become victims of not just one but many failed relationships. When this happens, we should take a moment, look deep into our hearts and determine why we can’t handle relationships.
And so we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t the relationship or relationships work?”
Well, it could be for the following reasons:
1. We didn’t try enough to fix the problem by determining the root cause.
Maybe we just kiss and make up then forget about the real reason behind it. So quarrels of similar nature happen time and again. Consequently, hurtful words are also hurled to one another often.
2. We don’t appreciate enough.
We easily find mistakes but we keep mum about the nice traits of our partners. For sure, we never fail to tell them about their faults, weaknesses and wrongdoings. We’ll do it every day if we can. Sadly, this habit of ours of always criticizing our loved ones has a very bad effect on them. They lose their self-confidence. As a result, they no longer want to spend time with us because they feel bad about themselves. Being near us just remind them of all the not-so-nice things we tell them. They’ll try to find a way to limit the time we are with them. And this will eventually lead to separation.
3. We are great historians.
Reasons of quarrels which have been buried deep in our hearts years ago will be unearthed and brought up in details during recent fights. It only shows that we don’t forgive wholeheartedly. If we always do this, we should no longer wonder why our partners no longer want to be with us!
4. We want to be accepted for all and everything that we are.
I’m sure you’ll say, “What’s wrong with that? Our partners really should accept and love us just the way we are!” Well, that’s wrong because we should change for the better. Yes, our partners should accept and love us when it comes to our physical appearance and for our personal background, but we should change our bad vices and attitudes. Let’s try to improve ourselves to be the right persons for our loved ones.
5. We are no longer enthusiastic about our partners’ interests and hobbies.
We show boredom when they eagerly tell us about his interests and hobbies. Also, we take for granted the things that make them happy. We simply don’t want to listen to them anymore because we want our partners to please us, and not the other way around.
6. We no longer show respect to them.
Just because we have been with them for some time now, we don’t even greet them every morning or open doors for them. We don’t really think about their welfare anymore. What’s more, we sometimes don’t treat them nicely in front of friends and other people.
7. Romance seems to have died a painful death.
Physical intimacy is important to couples. When we fight with our partners, the eagerness to be intimate with our partners is very much affected. The constant fights can make the situation worse, especially when our partners decide to replace us because of the fading romance.
What should we do then to have lasting relationships?
If we’re guilty of some, if not all, of the aforementioned possible causes of failed relationships, then we should try to do the following:
Remain the persons we were when our partners fell in love with us.
The passing of years should not change us to the persons they want to fall out of love with.
Don’t forget the importance of communication.
There are times when we need to really sit down with our loved ones and discuss the root causes of fights so that they won’t happen again and again. This way we’ll also mature and improve ourselves until we eventually realize we’re making the relationship work at last!
Remember that positive thoughts and positive words are keys to happy and lasting relationships.
Words can cut like swords, and the scars they cause can no longer be erased. So we should think not only twice but many times before uttering words (especially when we’re angry) to our partners. Well, maybe you’ll say, “Isn’t that a waste of time that I need to think about my words first before I speak? Shouldn’t I be honest with my words?” That’s pretty easy to resolve. We just have to think if our words can hurt us when we say that to our own selves. It’s that simple. Also, just remember that quote, “Don’t do to others what you don’t want to do to you.” Aside from this, it will be much easier if we make it a habit to sing praises to our loved ones often. Make sure to be honest about them, though.
Continue to respect each other.
We can actually show how much we love them even if we don’t say the words, “I love you.” We only have to respect them, especially in public places.
Always show interest to the things that make our partners happy.
What makes them happy should be part of what makes us happy too. We should also treasure every day that we are with our loved ones. Let’s give them surprises often and continue to make them feel special. Rest assured they’ll reciprocate!
Let’s forgive and forget, especially when we can really see that our partners are trying their best to no longer commit the mistakes they’ve done in the past. Nobody’s perfect anyway.
Change for the better for them.
If we are alcoholics or we have other unpleasant vices, let’s get that out of our system. As for our personal backgrounds, I do believe that they have already accepted that before we became their partners, so I think that shouldn’t be a problem anymore. And with regards to our physical appearances, well, there’s no harm in trying to look good at any age. It will also rekindle the fading romance and physical attraction between couples, thus making the relationship better, and hopefully, forever.